xoxo

I wish we never fucked, and I mean that.

I’m disappointed that I basically caught your ass doing the same shit from the last time. I mean at least I’m honest with you if I were to pull shit like that. Maybe it’s a good thing that we will be moving apart. I’m tired of feeling unworthy. Unworthy of the truth.

If I really do end up in SoCal for college, I already know that i will be terribly homesick. I’m going to miss the company of my parents, siblings, and my boyfriend. How do you deal with a break up like that? I’m going to miss the privacy of my own bathroom and my own room… and some good food. Six and a half hours isn’t that far, right? I hope I can pull through with this.

Could this be the end of our almost-four-years adventure? Actually, it hasn’t been an adventure lately… it’s been more of a rollercoaster. Instead of asking “how much do you love me”, we have transformed into “how much do you hate me right now?” I can’t deal with the “fuck me like you hate me” type of relationship. How did we come to this? We used to tell each other how much we adored one another, and now we just can’t wait to hang up. As much as it hurts, maybe it is time for me to let go. Maybe it is time for me to find someone better suited for my life, and my personality. Obviously, we can’t handle each others. Maybe someday we will find each other along the way again..

I feel lonelier than ever. I lost all of my friends and I can’t even remember how. Being alone is one thing, but feeling lonely is the absolute worst. I have got to fix this. 

I need to take a fucking chill pill. I always get so angry when things don’t go my way. Oh my.